My babysitters a vampire: Ethan and Benny
by Freakflag
Summary: This fanfic started out with mainly the Ethan/Benny relationship but has lately been turning into something I hadn't quite expected, but love all the same. There's some "hints" at Rory/Erica, hints at Sarah/Ethan (but doesn't go much farther than an embarrassing incident) and then there's the relationship between Jesse/Sarah which is twisted and beautiful at the same time. Enjoy :)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

"Oh please. You'd need three mountain dews, and a catheter to get that far in level 7. What? That doesn't count! A catheter is-"

"Benny! Please!" Ethan gestured towards Jane rather unsubtly. Jane looked at the two and shrugged. She resumed putting eye shadow on Ethan and humming a Hannah Montana song.

"Hey, I got to go Matt. A what? Really a girl? And you're home alone? Sweet dude!" Benny smiled then said goodbye to Matt. He threw the phone at Ethan.

"Thanks for hitting my personal area Benny. Really." Ethan said, rolling his eyes. Jane slapped him and told him to keep his eyes still. Benny snorted with only slightly suppressed laughter, then sat down on the floor in front of Ethan. He slathered some hot pink lipstick on Ethan's lips.

"Well, hello beautiful." Benny waggled his eyebrows. Ethan punched him lightly and scoffed.

"I'm going to get my jewelry ok? Don't move Ethan!" Jane gave Ethan a stern look, as stern as she could look in pigtails, and ran out the door. She half tripped on Benny's sleeping bag.

"Why do you let your sister do this to you dude?" Benny said. He held Ethan's chin in his hand and put mascara on his eyelashes.

"I broke her favorite doll. Or excuse me; you did when you pushed me on the floor." Ethan flicked Benny's forehead.

"You were gonna steal the last cookie!"

"It's not stealing if they're cookies you made yourself!" Ethan held his hands out, raised to the air in anger. Benny put his hand on Ethan's shoulder.

"I'm gonna need you to calm down, young lady." Ethan pushed Benny, who toppled over onto the floor. Benny attempted a kick at Ethan's stomach as he was going down, then he just stared up at the ceiling at the glow in the dark stars.

"You still have these?" He asked.

"How did you not notice? You sleep here all the time. My dad's starting to think you're a bum." Ethan's voice seemed incredibly loud in the still of the room. Ethan's parents left to go bowling and Sarah was out buying Chinese food for dinner. Her treat, as a thank you to Ethan for helping her study for mid terms.

"You know what would be so freaking funny?" Benny said looking at Ethan, who was blotting his lips, from the corner of his eye.

"If Sarah saw me like this?" Ethan spit out pieces of tissue.

"How did you-?"

"I know you." Benny smiled wickedly, stood up and reached for his phone, next to Ethan's hip.

"No!" Ethan yelled and grabbed Benny's wrist. Benny fell down on his back with the phone in his hand. He held it away from Ethan. Ethan fell on Benny's knee in a effort to get the phone, and cried out in pain while Benny just laughed.

"Just one picture Miss. Ethan. I'm your biggest fan."

They wrestled for the phone. Benny swung his knee around and knocked Ethan over. Ethan pulled Benny down with him and tried to grab the phone from him. His grip on Benny's wrist loosened and Benny fell back. He sat up and held the phone behind him.

"Benny you are such a butt hole. Give me the phone." Ethan sat up in front of Benny and reached for the phone.

"Tired?' Benny said, with a smirk. His dark hair was in his eyes, which shone mischievously. Ethan reached for it again which brought their faces closer than how they probably should've been.

"You jerk." Ethan said. He could feel Benny's breath on his lips.

They both looked at each other and for a moment their faces were serious. Benny looked away and gave Ethan his phone.

There was a light flush on Ethan's face as he stood up and straightened his out his shirt. They had just been playing around as usual, yet somehow he felt guilty.

"I'm gonna see whatever's taking Jane so long."

"Ok." Benny said stared at the carpet and counted the seconds ticking by on Ethan's guitar shaped clock. Anything to keep those thoughts that had flashed in his mind, away,


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! Thanks for all the reviews, after I read them I started dancing around happily I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I felt a little….blocky (like writer's block) as I wrote it and in my opinion the chapter following this one is a lot better. **

"Is there anyone here?" The beautiful blonde said as she stepped into the darkened hallway. She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked to her right, nervously.

"Hello?" She whispered.

"What an idiot!" Sarah said. She looked at Ethan who nodded earnestly.

"Boooo stupid lady." Benny threw popcorn at the T.V. which Jane picked up off the floor and threw back.

"Hey…." Benny complained. Jane stuck her tongue out then pulled the blanket away from Rory and Benny.

"NOOO!" Rory threw himself across Benny dramatically and silently begged for the blanket. Benny pushed him off, laughing.

"Since when do vampires get cold?" Ethan asked. He reached forward for the popcorn bowl on the coffee table, which was already littered with empty Dr. Pepper cans, most of them Benny's. He took some popcorn and sat back on the couch. Sarah poked Ethan with her bottle of fake blood.

"Shush! This part is good."

"This movie is stupid. I'm going to sleep." Jane said.

"Good night." Ethan waved to her.

"Don't say stupid. It's a bad word." Rory said. Jane rolled her eyes, got up and threw the blanket to Sarah.

"Hey! Why does she get the blanket?" Benny said, curling himself up to get warm. Rory poked Benny's Mr. Potato head socks. Benny swatted his hands away.

"Because she's special." Ethan said. Sarah mumbled something in agreement then spread the blanket out to cover her and Ethan. Benny's eyebrows furrowed, he rolled his eyes before he realized what he was doing. _Why am I mad over a stupid blanket?_ He concentrated more on the movie.

Rory started tapping his foot to a beat only he could hear. Then he started to hum "Part of your world." Benny looked at him, slightly annoyed. Rory smiled at him, grabbed some popcorn and resumed humming. Benny rolled his eyes once more. For some reason he felt like he was suddenly in a pissy mood. Rory started to sway to the music in his head and knocked into Benny, trying to get him to join in.

"Rory! Stop, please!" He said, holding Rory's shoulder to steady him. Sarah laughed.

"Chill out Benny. He's just enjo-"

"I don't remember talking to you Sarah." He replied curtly. Ethan and Sarah shared surprised looks. Sarah scoffed.  
>"Excuse me? What is your problem?" She fiddled with the edge of the blanket. Despite the fact that she always acted confident and sassy, Sarah hated confrontation.<p>

'I'm perfectly fine." Benny said. Rory stared at him blankly.

'What?" Benny snapped. Rory looked away. He felt bad the second he said it and to reconcile, offered Rory some popcorn.

Ethan flipped the remote over and over in his hand, a habit he had whenever he felt awkward. He always needed something to do with his hands. He looked at Benny, in an effort to try and tell what he was thinking about, but all he could tell was that Jenny had stuck a purple plastic bow in Benny's hair.

Benny got up and walked to the bathroom next to the stairs. He shut the door behind him and sighed quietly. He felt somewhat queasy and nervous inside. He slumped to the ground with his back against the door and put his feet up on the peach wall. His least favorite color.

For a while all he did was stare the sink; remembering the time Ethan dropped Benny's dead grandfather's ring down the drain. Benny had started to cry and then Ethan began to cry saying how sorry he was. They had spent the rest of the day talking in the front porch, eating cherries and thinking how lucky they were to have each other.

Benny stood up and looked at himself in the mirror. He felt mad at himself for feeling what he was feeling. He didn't say it to himself, he didn't want it to seem real, but he knew and sometimes only knowing is worse.


	3. Chapter 3

**Greetings readers! How are you guys? Everyone have a good day? If not, I'm truly sorry. Maybe this chapter will cheer you up. I like this one **** Oh, and PLEEEEEEASE review. I like reviews very much so. Don't you want to make yours truly happy? ...I thought so ;) And without further delay: Here is Chapter 3!**

Three days later.

Benny swung the noodle around and smacked Ethan in the face with it. Benny slurped it back into his mouth and threw his head back, laughing loudly. A few students around him looked at him, annoyed as usual.

"You're a freak." Ethan said as he took a spoonful of green jell-o from the little plastic cup on his lunch tray.

"That's what your mom said last night." Benny replied. The jell-o fell into Ethan's lap when he laughed.

"What a loser." Benny said, smiling.

"Shut up." Ethan picked up the jell-o and pretended to throw it at Benny.

"Not my beautiful face!" Benny held his arms up.

"Yeah that's right, cower in fear. Weenie" Ethan laughed then set the jell-o down. He looked up to see Sarah waving at him from across the cafeteria. Erica walked in quickly, grabbed Sarah's elbow and led her away while giving Ethan an indifferent stare.

"She's probably telling Sarah she doesn't want to be seen with dorks." Ethan said.

"What?"

"You didn't see….never mind. " Ethan tried to eat the rest of his troublesome jell-o. In the table in front of him he could see Della, a blonde, pretty girl Benny had had a crush on since last month when she wore a red strapless dress to school and almost had it fall down. She was digging through her pink purse and laughing at something the girl next to her said. Della looked behind her, at Benny, for a split second.

"Hey Della looked at you." Ethan nudged Benny who shrugged.

"What?" I thought you liked Della!" Ethan said, surprised. Benny tapped the edge of his tray with his spork.

"You know the spork is the most useless utensil? It sucks as a spoon cause the rice falls all ove-"

"You even wrote a poem for her! I mean it wasn't the best but…" Ethan waved his spoon which set his jell-o flying into the empty seat next to him.

"Hey! I worked hard on that!"

"Oh Della, I wish I could spin your hair into gold and then maybe have it sold so I could buy ice cream that wasn't cold." Ethan recited, and then laughed.

"It's a process." Benny said, "And it's creepy that you remembered that much."

"So you don't like her?" Ethan said. He tried to eat another spoonful of jell-o again and on having it slip into his mashed potatoes, gave it to Benny.

"Why does it matter?"

"Huh?"

"Why does it matter?" He repeated, sounding a little annoyed. The lunch bell rang and everywhere around them, students were jumping up from their seats, grabbing their backpacks. Everyone was trying to be louder than the person next to them which was always the one thing Ethan hated about lunch. He also hated it when Benny had an attitude especially at lunch, where they usually acted like two escaped patients from the Happy Leaves insane asylum five minutes from the school.

"What is your problem Benny?" Ethan picked up his backpack and stood up, trying not to get knocked over by the students coming through, leaving the cafeteria.

'What are you talking about?" Benny stood up as well.

"Lately you've been acting like such a butt hole at the weirdest times."

"Oh that's nice, thanks." Benny said acidly and started to walk away. Ethan groaned and grabbed their trays. He dumped them into the trash and run up to Benny who was power walking towards the hallway like they were giving away free Butterfingers in the gym or something. If Ethan hadn't been so upset, it would've looked funny to him.

"Sarah said you ignored her this morning." Ethan held onto on Benny's backpack and pulled back. Benny turned around sharply causing Ethan to bump into him. Flustered, Ethan stepped back and put his hands in his pockets.

"Who cares what Sarah says?" Benny looked furious and it made Ethan feel sick.

"Benny…" Benny turned back around and stormed into the boys' bathroom. Ethan followed behind him, nervously, his footsteps echoing loudly since no one else was there. And he was glad of it.

"Go away Ethan." Benny felt a little shaky, like his whole body was vibrating. He felt his eyes start to prickle.

"But-"

"Go away!" Ethan jumped a little and hesitated. Benny had never yelled at him before. With a hurt look on his face, he walked out.

Benny slumped on the floor of a bathroom once more; and the second he heard the door close, he began to cry.

**So yeah… **** Originally I wanted Ethan to say "asshole" instead of "butt hole" but I couldn't imagine him saying that so I changed it. But I resolved to have someone say "asshole" in a future chapter :P I hope you guys liked it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**According to the stats 197 people have read this story which makes me uber-happy : P I hope you guys like the following chapter. It took me forever to figure out screen names for Ethan and Benny. I love writing IM conversations for some reason (You'll see what I'm talking about ****)**

Rory shot the action figure in the trash can and jumped in the air, while doing a little dance.

"Perfect shot! YEAH!" He held up his hand to Ethan. He high-fived Rory and smiled a little.

"So what do you want to do today? Go to the mall and check out the hot babes? I heard there was a sale at Victoria's secret." Rory said. He looked at Ethan eagerly.

"Rory, you're borderline creepy." Ethan said, while picking up his action figure from the trash can and setting it on his desk. Out of habit he glanced towards the computer screen to see if anyone had IMed him. More specifically, and honestly, if Benny had. There was nothing on the screen save a message from his mom saying that she had left liver and rice in the fridge. Ethan made a mental note to tell Sarah about buying pizza for them again.

"I'm soooo bored." Rory whined, "Where's Benny?"

"I don't know."

"Ha. Ha, good joke. Seriously dude, I feel like I want to eat that lamp over there." He gestured towards the green lamp with word "Radioactive" on it.

"How would that cure your boredom?" Ethan sat in his desk chair and leaned back in it while holding on the edge of the desk so he didn't fall over, like the time Benny stupidly decided jumped on the chair as well.

"I'd be doing something!" Rory sighed and flopped onto the bed not bothering to take off his shoes like Ethan had always asked him to. Ethan laughed,

"One time, Benny drew eyeballs on two old lampshades then we wore them around the house." Ethan laughed harder, rocking the chair, "And then…and then…. Benny...hahaha, he decided to go downstairs and obviously he couldn't see. He slid all the way downstairs. It was the funniest thing." Ethan wiped a tear of from his eye and giggled, "His butt hurt so I gave him a bag of frozen liver and he stuck them in his pants."

Rory gave him a weird look.

"Isn't that what your mom said we should ea-"

"Oh. Ew." Ethan said. He grabbed his phone and texted Sarah.

"Ok, I told Sarah to get pizza."

"One time I fell down the stairs. Or I was pushed….I don't remember. I think I got sent to the hospital." Rory said.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"What so funny?"

"Huh? Oh." Ethan hadn't realized he was still smiling. He felt all warm and excited.

The next day

** _6:08 p.m._**

_** parnmrl_b36 is online.**_

Ethan looked up from his sudoku puzzle to the computer and smiled. He hesitated and his fingers floated over the keyboard nervously before he remembered it was just Benny.

_** ethanner10 is online**_

**ethanner10:** hey

**parnmrl_b36**: hey

**ethanner10:** long time no c

**parnmrl_b36:** its only been like 4 days

**ethanner10:** compared to everyday

**ethanner10: **…yeah I guess you're right

Ethan twisted a rubber band in his hands. He hoped Benny wasn't still mad at whatever he was mad at.

**parnmrl_b36:** I'm sorry for acting like a butt hole…

**ethanner10**: You weren't a butt hole…more like a moldy donut hole.

**parnmrl_b36:** that sounds more disgusting.

**ethanner10**: are you sure?

**parnmrl_b36:** butt holes can be cleaned

**ethanner10:** ew new subject

**parnmrl_b36:** You're just scared to know the truth

**ethanner10: **what? That doesn't make any sinse

**parnmrl_b36:** exactly. And learn how to spell. There's a 'e" in there stupeed.

**parnmrl_b36:** ...shut up.

**ethanner10**: You're stupeed.

**parnmrl_b36:** And you're ugeely.

**ethanner10:** that's not what your aunt said last night.

**parnmrl_b36**: it's not aunt, idiot. You're such a loser.

**parnmrl_b36:** . I'm joking…you're not a loser/idiot.

Ethan smiled.

**ethanner10:** awww how sweet.

**parnmrl_b36:** shut up. I just feel sorry for you.

**ethanner10**: no you just love me so much you can't bear to hurt my widdle feelings.

**parnmrl_b36:** I will eat your first born.

Ethan laughed, yet for a moment he felt conflicted, like there were two parts of him pulling him in opposite directions. And he hated the sick, self-destructive feeling.

**ethanner10:** you're a creep

There was the side that felt like blue neon lighting whenever he was around Benny.

**parnmrl_b36:** uve said weirder

**ethenner10:** give me an example

The side that wanted just to next to him all the time, breathe him, and sink into him so easily, like water.

**parnmrl_b36:** Remember out 8th grade dance and u said u were gonna get down with ur bad self?

And then the other side that was scared of seeing Benny turn around and walk away with a look of disgust. He felt nervous just thinking about it.

**ethanner10:** do you remember the time when you asked me if you could bite my head?

He couldn't risk their friendship for something as stupid as feelings. Ones that had only come about recently. He felt like he was so naïve, wasting his time feeling like this. Is it even possible Benny would ever like him too?

**parnmrl_b36**: yes.

Ethan froze for a second then realized what Benny had said yes to. He laughed, like a person laughs when they fall in front of someone and don't want to believe they got hurt.

**ethanner10:** I got to go. We're going out to eat dinner soon.

**parnmrl_b36:** aww…I'm so lonely! Bye

**parnmrl_b36:** if I don't hear from you by 9 I'm calling the cops.

Ethan smiled then shut his computer off.


	5. Chapter 5

**Helloooo there. I hope you guys liked the last chapter. I love the first born joke and weirdly enough I think I say that to a lot of people (I think maybe I need a personality check) Haha well, on with the chapter. And you right there, yeah you better review. **

The late bell rang and Benny was already in his seat shuffling through his messy backpack. Somewhere, he was sure, there was a turkey sandwich he had made that morning. He hadn't been able to find it all day and at lunch had to settle for some of Ethan's weird tomato sandwich. Someone tapped on Benny's desk; he looked up and his face broke into a smile.

"Hey." Ethan said.

"Hey."

"I talked to Sarah this morning and she said she wouldn't be going to school this morning. She didn't tell me why… which is a little weird I guess."

He talked to Sarah? Benny's face fell before he could remind himself of the promise he had made to himself. The promise not to feel jealous anymore. Yet, he knew he couldn't help it, the feeling was so sickening, and it made him feel so vulnerable. He looked away at the desk of the kid next to him, like he was asking it for help.

"Ok everyone, the bell has rung…." Mr. Donavich peered around at the students still wandering around the class talking to their friends or in one case peeling gum off their face. Ethan walked away to his seat, two rows to the left of Benny.

"Everyone take a seat."

'Wouldn't that be considered stealing?" Kevin Sotto, an obnoxious kid who had by some means wormed his way into the popular group, snickered at his own joke. Ethan and Benny looked at each other at the same time and rolled their eyes. Mr. Donavich sighed and tugged on his purple tie. It was almost the end of the school day and the way Mr. Donavich grit his teeth made it obvious he was barely making it through the day. It was a little sad, considering he was such a cool and cute guy. Benny blinked and looked around a little as if someone else had called a guy "cute", in his head. He was still coming to terms with the "I like girls but I like guys too" situation. It didn't seem to fit him yet.

"Funny." Mr. Donavich said, his voice heavy with sarcasm. "….Anyways today we are going to be learning abou-"

"Your face!" Kevin blurted. The girl behind him cackled and kicked at the tray under her desk in what seemed like a psychotic fit. Mr. Donavich turned around sharply and pointed towards the door. The air in the room changed immediately.

"'Out. Just get out. I'm not playing with you." Mr. Donavich said. Kevin rolled his eyes and after the slowest closing of a textbook Benny had ever seen, he slunk out of the desk and left the room. He slammed the door and for a second stared at the class through the door window.

Something about it, something he couldn't explain came across as funny to Benny. Then, it became a little funnier the more times he replayed it in his head Perhaps he was in the right mood or he had inhaled too much hand sanitizer before lunch or something. At first he giggled a little and sighed like it was a thing that had came and went but soon Benny was struggling to stifle his laughter in his hand. He kept seeing Kevin's face in the window and feeling a new wave of laughter come over him. He rocked back and forth in his chair uncontrollably like a freak. The girl in front of him scoffed and muttered something about immaturity and he didn't care. He couldn't stop laughing. He then made the mistake you should never make when you're trying not to laugh: look over at your best friend. Ethan was looking away at the window but Benny could tell his shoulders were shaking with laughter. Ethan turned his head around and when the two locked eyes they busted out in laughter.

Benny's entire row turned around to look at him with annoyed looks on their faces. He was clutching his stomach, which hurt so much and trying to gasp for breath. He threw his head back and kept laughing. Mr. Donavich walked towards their rows, looking understandably mad. Benny attempted to control himself but then Ethan snorted, and Benny began to hit his desk in the weird way that people tend to do when they're laughing hard.

"Principal's office." He looked at both of them, his eyebrows furrowed, with a deep frown. Benny's stomach turned nervously, he looked at Ethan and for once, he couldn't imagine what he was thinking. Ethan, who strove for perfect attendance, and always said "Yes, sir."

He grabbed his stuff and fast walked to the door. As soon as Ethan had shut the door behind them, he let out a breath he had been holding. Then chuckled a little despite himself.

"I've never been to the principal's office." Ethan said. He walked up to Benny and pulled on his shirt sleeve.

"What are we going to do?" Ethan said. The panic was evident in his face.

"Chill. You're making me nervous too." Benny said though the feeling that Ethan was looking towards him for help wasn't a bad one. He looked at Ethan.

"We're going to get kicked out of chess club!" Ethan said.

"I have a plan." Benny said.

'What?"

"I have some whipped cream in my locker."

"Why?"

"We spray it all over your mouth; you start running around in circles and crawling on the floor. They think you're rabid and-"

"Benny…I don't feel like joking around. Let's just go." Ethan said and walked away. Benny felt stupid, in a squirmy, embarrassed kind of way. Did Ethan think Benny could never be serious? God, why did he always have to joke around? He fought the urge to think about how Sarah was probably better to talk to when it came to serious things.

"Are you coming?" Ethan called. Benny ran up to him. The hallway was completely clear save a few posters with lame attempts at being inspirational. They could only hear the muffled sounds of students talking and chairs scraping against the tile.

"It's gonna be ok."

"Yeah, I guess. I don't know why I'm so upset." Ethan bit his lip.

"If you want, I can tell them I was making you laugh." Benny said. He was smiling shyly. He silently prayed Ethan couldn't tell he was blushing.

"No! No. I couldn't let you do that."

"Are you sure? Because I don't think my grandma would care as much as your parents would about you getting in trouble."

Ethan shook his head and his hair flopped around. Benny gave a short laugh.

"What?" Ethan said.

"Nothing. You're just…" So cute? "…funny." As they walked into the office, both anxious, their hands bumped lightly. They both looked at each other for a second.

"Sit down. will be right with you." said a stocky woman with a frighteningly purple suit. She stared at the two like she was lost in thought, and then walked off quickly. Benny shuffled around in the seat.

"What if he starts yelling at us? What if I start crying or something?" Ethan's eyes were wide.

"I'll cry too." Benny said. He knew he should only feel bad Ethan was upset, but his facial expressions when he was scared were just….adorable.

"Or if he…he..."

"What's he gonna do Ethan? Spank us with a ruler?"

"Oh God…" Ethan sighed, gave a pathetic groan of anguish and laid his head on Benny's left armrest. His head thunked against the wood.

"Ow." Ethan whined. Benny smiled and leaned back in the chair.

"You'll survive." He looked at Ethan, just laying there with a small pout. His red shirt was all wrinkled in the back like he had just grabbed it from the floor and gone to school and he had two band aids on his small knuckles from when Benny had accidentally slammed the locker on his hand. A memory of a time Ethan had spent the night at his house pressed against his mind; it had been all day.

_They were speckled with paint. All over their bodies from painting his grandma's garden bench that afternoon. _

_ "I don't want it to be a bench." She said. "I want it to be a part of the garden." _

_ By the time they were done painting it, after hours of having paint fights and one incident of accidentally sitting in a paint can, the bench was finished. And it was hideous. The thing was a sort of throw up and frog pee color, but they signed their names proudly on the back leg and it became a part of the garden. _

_After dinner they took board games from Benny's room and as they sat down at a table to begin "Life", Ethan looked out the window and back at Benny who was trying to fit a plastic museum into the wrong hole. _

_ "I don't really want to play." Ethan said. Benny looked up and nodded in agreement. Without speaking, they found themselves walking to the garden in the backyard. As Benny opened the screen door he felt the freshness of the air hit his face and something like hope rise in his chest as often happens when there are stars in sky. Something about it made him feel sentimental. _

_ They walked in silence, with the dewy grass flicking at their ankles, towards their bench. Benny pressed his finger to it and on showing Ethan the paint on his finger, they laid down on the grass side by side._

_ "It feels good outside." Ethan said. _

_ "Yeah it does." There was a beat of silence._

_ "I like being at your house."_

_ "It's more fun with you around." Benny said. He stared at the stars. He liked talking like this, at night, looking up at the sky. When you speak, it feels like the stars are listening and somehow words don't feel so concrete. Talking doesn't feel so predictable, so rehearsed. It feels like breathing. When he spoke again, he felt the rumble in his chest._

_ "I'd rather live in a house like yours. It gets too quiet around here." He said._

"_Don't say that. I hate it when you say stuff like that. At least not now."_

_ "Why?" _

_ "Because I'd like to believe you're always happy. I'm a nervous person and it makes me nervous to think you're upset." Ethan said. Benny didn't know how to feel about that. So he just let it just be something that was said. _

_Crickets chirped incessantly, hidden by the multitude of flowers. Sunflowers, tulips, roses that were colorful by day but at night washed by the same silver moonlight. The lights of several fireflies flickered on and off, becoming fuzzier as Benny closed his eyes. He felt like he was dropping in the ground._

_ "Fireflies make me so said." Ethan said._

_ "Really? Why?"_

_ "Sorry…I guess I'm staring to sound… a little...I don't know…."_

_ "It's ok." Benny whispered, more to himself._

_ "Fireflies…they're just so…beautiful and it seems like they're trying so hard to find something and they can't. Like they light up all night, in hopes that they'll fins something they never will."_

_ "That is sad." Benny looked over at Ethan and could only see his profile. He had the feeling that this night wasn't real. It all felt so ethereal, the way the wind blew so softly, and the smell of flower petals._

"_You ever get that feeling," Benny began, his fingers digging into the ground apprehensively, "that you want to hold someone's hand because you feel so happy and you wanted that other person to be a part of that memory?"_

_He could hear the smile in Ethan's voice when he replied._

_ "Yes." They looked at each other. _

_ It was the atmosphere of the night, he supposed, and the way it made your inhibitions melt away and leaving you with who you really are, that let holding your best friend's hand and falling asleep outside, somehow ok. Somehow something you wish you could do every day. _

Benny thought for a second, and then stroked Ethan's hair. He leaned forwards a little to see Ethan's reaction. His eyes were closed and there was the faintest hint of a smile, playing at his mouth. His eyelashes were so beautiful and dark, and his face just so innocent Benny wondered if Ethan knew how amazing he was.

Ethan mumbled something.

"What?" Benny said.

"I said that I think Mr. Finnegan forgot about us." Ethan sat up and stretched.

"I'm kinda hungry. You want to go by my house after school and eat something?" Ethan propped up his shoe on the chair and tied his shoelaces.

"Um...yeah...sure." Benny blinked his eyes several times. He felt slightly off, like he had just been jerked out of a dream. He watched how deliberately Ethan tied his shoes.

"Benny…" Ethan looked at him oddly.

"Yeah?"

"Um… I need to ask you something."

"Ok…"

The bell for dismissal rang and they both jumped, looking irritated. All of a sudden like someone had told the office to come alive now, the phones were ringing and secretaries were walking around in their mid-calf skirts talking about students doomed to drop out and broken coffee machines. Some kids came in yelling about a stolen Ipod, the vice principal was screaming on the intercom about showing support for the basketball game that evening, a group of girls outside were singing "Happy Birthday" to no one in particular, a mother walked in with two little boys asking for some form no one seemed to have, and the principal was walking towards the boys with a look of exhaustion

"Let's just go." Benny said. The noise, the movement was too much. He wanted just to be with Ethan.

**I think this is my favorite chapter so far… **


	6. Chapter 6

Ethan felt happy; happier than he had ever been in a long time. He was lying on his Spiderman bed playing with a rubix cube, staring up, pensively; just him alone in his room with the fan whirring overheard. All he could see was that afternoon that had passed, his mind replaying scenes from that day over and over again until all he felt was a constant sensation of levity. He saw Benny and him at the park, running after geese, Benny with ice cream all over his face, and then in his hair after Ethan threw his cone at him, and the two of them sitting on the bench in front of Founder's lake just talking to each other happily. He smiled. Something had changed, he was sure. Something became realized between Benny and himself, but never said. He felt it when they were almost at Benny's house.

_His grandmother had asked Benny to come home and as they were walking home, side by side Benny tapped Ethan on the shoulder._

"_Tag, you're it." He smiled, pushed Ethan playfully then ran away, pounding down the sidewalk. Ethan, after a moment of confusion ran after Benny, like a little kid with his shirt and his hair flapping around everywhere. Benny jumped over the white fence that surrounded his house and stood grinning and gasping for breath. Ethan faltered, and then jumped over as well. He tapped Benny on the nose. He backed away and his muscles were tensed as he prepared to run when Benny put his hands on his fence, on either side of Ethan. He was cornered. Benny smirked and wiped his hair off his face. He was standing so close, almost leaning over Ethan who was staring timidly at the grass, where a little colony of ants was dragging a flower petal. Benny's shirt sleeve brushed up against Ethan's pale wrist causing goose bumps rose up on his arms and Ethan to look him in the eye. _

_A sensation flickering towards desire ran through his body, he felt it sharply, like it pierced through his skin. Ethan bore the feeling that he wanted something desperately. His breath caught in his throat when he tried to say something. Benny pushed Ethan's chin towards him._

_ "You're it." He said. Ethan's stomach fluttered at his touch. He wished he could think of words to say. Words that would make Benny want to close the space between their lips and hold him with a grip he could just fall into. But he wasn't Wordsworth or E.e Cummings. What could he say?_

_ "I can smell the ice cream." Oh, what beautiful, eloquent words. Benny laughed and tilted his head._

_ "Sorry am I standing too close?" he asked his voice low and soft. Ethan choked on his spit. _

_ "N-no." Definitely not close enough._

Ethan yelped and practically fell off the bed when his phone vibrated in his jean pocket.

"Be quiet! I'm watching Winx Club!" Jane yelled from the living room. Ethan rolled his eyes and checked his phone. It was a text from Sarah.

_"I'm in front of your house. Meet me here."_ Ethan jumped off his bed and walked outside after telling Jane to tell his parents where he was. She had nodded distractedly and pretended to fly around the room like a fairy.

It was barely daylight at that time, yet the clouds were still brushed with pink and only the fireflies darting around their bushes gave heed to the darkness that would soon come. The air was humid and sticky, summer was coming faster than he had expected. He looked around. Sarah was sitting on the sidewalk curb picking at the weeds. Ethan jogged up to her and sat down beside her.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey." She looked up at him. Her eyes looked tired and sick, and despite her tan skin there was something like paleness about her. When she looked in his eyes he had the feeling her mind was somewhere else.

"So…uh…what's up?" He asked. Sarah bit her lip as if she were trying to control herself. A tear slipped out her eye which she quickly wiped away.

"Whoa. What happened?" He put his arm around her and looked at her worriedly. Her voice shook slightly when she replied.

"I killed…I can't….I killed a person." She sobbed slightly then looked away and resumed picking at the weeds while tears kept falling down her face. Ethan stared. He hadn't expected this. Yet he couldn't help but feel relieved it wasn't something else.

"You need to. You're a vamp-"

"God Ethan! I know!" She turned her head towards him sharply, "That doesn't help!" She seemed livid.

"Ok….I'm sorry." He said. Sarah shook her head. They sat in silence for a while. The clouds turned darker and the sound of crickets began to come out into the air. A streetlight across the street turned on, bathing the road in a fuzzy orange light. She turned her head towards him again.

"I acted like a jerk. I should be sorry. I am." She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned on his shoulder.

"You're such a nice guy Ethan." She said. His smiled masked his awkwardness. She was painfully beautiful, he knew, but he felt a little guilty for some reason.

Sarah smiled weakly and leaned in to kiss him. When their lips came together, it wasn't the first kiss Ethan had expected. He didn't feel much except for an attraction dulled by his feelings towards Benny. He couldn't stop kissing her; he felt frozen. She dug her fingers in his hair and he felt her tongue lightly graze his teeth. Ethan's eyes were wide open, he wanted to end the kiss but he felt too shy to do so. He forced himself to close his eyes and try to enjoy it but it felt so wrong. His first kiss was supposed to be with Benny or at least he wished it could ever be. The kiss with Sarah didn't feel like a kiss should.

It didn't feel like it was even happening. Sarah pressed herself closer to Ethan. She took his hand and placed it on her chest. Ethan's eyes flung open, his face turned red despite the fact that the touch wasn't at all abhorrent to him. His heart was racing. What was happening?

Sarah broke the kiss. She looked at him weirdly, like he had been the one to initiate contact. She tugged at her blue jacket. Ethan's hand hovered in the air for a second. He stared at her, wincing in unease.

"Um…that…never…happened." Sarah said, grimacing. She scratched her head. Ethan felt a little shaky as he stood up. The sidewalk had imprinted marks into his hand and turned it red.

"I'm sorry…again." Sarah said. She didn't look as flustered as he felt though. Did she do that often? Steal a person's first kiss and put their hands on her boob. Ethan almost chuckled; the situation was a little ridiculous.

"About what? Nothing happened." Ethan said. Sarah gave him a thumbs up.

"I'm gonna go…maybe Erica's better to talk to about this whole thing…"

"I'll go call her and tell her to freshen her breath." He joked.

"Shut up." She said with a smile. She walked away only looking back once to wave at him. Ethan stood there, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, not quite knowing what to do. He felt as if if he went inside his house, everyone would see what had happened written on his face. He sighed. It had been an eventful day.

Ethan thought he saw movement across the street and when he looked he saw Benny and Rory were staring at him.

"You go man!" Rory screamed and clapped. Benny walked across, obviously not happy. Ethan's heart dropped.

"Well! I didn't know you to were-"

"It's not what you think." Ethan tried to explain. Benny's face looked strained.

"What are you talking about? Of course it is. Anyways I'm happy for you! It's obvious you guys like each other!" Benny threw his hands up in the air.

"No, she was just upset because she-"

"Oh so that's how you comfort people well if my grandma's ever upset stay away from her!" Benny spat.

"Benny honestly, you don't understand"

"You don't have to explain yourself. Why would I be upset? You two deserve each other. Congratulations!"

Benny began to walk away quickly. Ethan felt the unsaid begin to slip into something more real, something that could hurt. He started to say something; he was so close he swore Benny could hear the muffled words his chest, but he couldn't do it. The fear, the small amount of doubt that Benny felt the same way he did kept him silent. It smothered him and he hated himself for that. He couldn't understand why three little words could cause so much pain.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey beautiful people sorry I haven't been updating because I've been in Puerto Rico and just started school (next year I'll be a senior yay!). Well, I hope everyone's year is going well and…I hope you love this chapter dearly and review review review! XOXO**

As Ethan walked nervously down the crowded hallways, schedule and school map in hand, he hated the fact that Benny wasn't there laughing and joking with him, taking the edge off his nerves. A crippling loneliness overcame him when Ethan had stepped inside the school; it was almost unbearable, realizing that Benny wasn't talking to him. Someone hit Ethan from behind with their backpack. After an angry glance to anyone behind him, Ethan walked to his locker and fiddled with the lock. Benny had always opened it for him, with a spell, ever since some bullies switched Ethan's lock with one of theirs and Ethan didn't know the combination. Ethan slammed his hand against the locker and leaned his head against the door. He felt so anxious, like there was an enormous pressure in his chest, he hated how it hurt and how he couldn't do anything without feeling the pressure against his body. When he tried laughing at his dad's Elvis impression that morning he felt his smile slipping, he couldn't for a second forget what had happened. That was always Ethan's thing. He couldn't let go. He closed his eyes and tried to feel calm.

"Wazzaaaaap!" Rory screamed and ran towards Ethan. He pushed Ethan, "My man! Getting the ladies! Ow!"

"It wasn't what you think."

"Man! Did you mark your calendar? That's what I did the first time I got a little second base action."

"Excuse me?" Rory's peppy energy was making him more painfully aware how sad he was. Yet Rory was blissfully naïve and probably wouldn't stop talking.

"Well hate to break it to you but do you remember Betty from the cheerleading squad?"

"Oh god." Ethan remembered Benny's idea to dress up as cheerleaders.

"Well things got a little heated after practice." Rory winked, "Course she did slap me after and said in an oddly deep voice how much she wished to kill me in my sleep. It was a little scary." Ethan smiled. Benny never told him about that.

"Have you talked to Benny?" Ethan asked. He glanced around the hallway, for some reason he felt like Rory would be able to tell why he was asking if he looked him in the eye.

"I did this morning, oh we gottta see if we have any classes this semester. Man Spanish was so boring last semester I only knew-"

"Yeah that's great. Is he mad about…what happened?" Ethan bit his lip.

"Yeah kinda. I didn't even know he had a crush on Sarah." Rory said with his eyes wide, spitting out his words loudly like he always did.

Ethan's heart dropped. Stupidly he had believed Benny was mad because he had feelings for Ethan. His insecurities made him now think Benny was mad because he liked Sarah. God, Ethan had always thought he was able to separate his emotions from his perception of things but now he realized how biased he was. All those times Ethan had thought Benny was flirting with him…he was wrong. It was all wishful thinking. Ethan sighed and mumbled an excuse to leave. His footsteps dragged against the floor as he walked to his homeroom class. Everything was pouring down on him so quickly, every belief just shattering.

He wanted to leave. He felt like going to the park he and his mom used to go to to feed the ducks when Ethan was small. Ethan would shriek with delight as they all gathered around their bench. He'd draw his legs up onto the bench, half excited and half scared. They took a little boy with them once. The boy lived next door to them and was small and frail but they both loved to play spies. Ethan remembered knocking on the boy's front door and waiting outside for 20 minutes before his mother told him the boy had moved away.

By second period, Ethan was sick of Benny's silent treatment. They had their first two classes together, not necessarily a coincidence since they had coordinated their classes together, but what was the point since they weren't talking? They were in English and the teacher, Mrs. Ruth, was walking around the room emphatically talking about "A long way gone." It was a good book, Ethan had to admit, yet his mind couldn't be occupied by the tragedy of boy soldiers while Benny was in the room. He nodded absentmindedly when Mrs. Ruth looked at him and waved her hands acting as if he was disagreeing with her and that she need to persuade him of something. His thoughts were with the tall boy in the black shirt diagonally behind him. Ethan realized it was the first time in a long while Benny didn't wear stripes. For some reason that bothered him.

He didn't want to feel the inevitable awkwardness he'd feel by sitting next to Benny at lunch but lunch without Benny was scary and lonely. Even when he was sitting with Rory and some acquaintances. It was the first time Ethan realized he needed Benny to feel whole.

Benny didn't acknowledge his presence; he just took another sip from this chocolate milk that had the only cow joke in existence, on the side of the carton: "Where do cows go to have fun? To the moo-vies." The joke pissed him off.

"Hi." Ethan said.

"Hello."

"Can we talk?" Ethan watched him take another sip.

"No,"

"Ok…what happened with Sarah-"

"I don't want to do this now Ethan."

"But it's not fair for you to just assume something without even-"

"What's there to assume? I think it was pretty obvious what happened." Just before Benny was about to drink from the carton Ethan grabbed it.

"It didn't mean anything. It wasn't even…I didn't…" Ethan struggled for words that didn't give away too much.

"Rory told me something…and it got me thinking…do you like Sarah?" Ethan asked. Benny reached over for the milk carton.

"…What other reason do I have to be mad?" Benny's eyes locked with Ethan's and for a second Ethan could see something like fear in his face.

"Can you come by house today so we can talk?"

"I guess." Benny said. Ethan smiled weakly and began to eat his lunch. He felt a little less anxious and panicked. He couldn't stop himself from looking at Benny every now and then to see the expression on his face. Ethan felt determined to decide for himself that day whether Benny had feelings for him. He hated the constant doubt then hope he felt, like a coin that was being tossed in the air, the light catching a different face every time. He needed that coin to land, he needed to be sure.

**Hey! So "A long way gone" is an incredibly sad yet inspiring true story of an African boy who becomes forced to be a boy soldier then when he his picked up by U.N people he learns to cope with what has happened in his life. I read it recently, in like a couple of hours. You guys should definitely read it. **** I hope you guys like this chapter. Oh and can anyone tell me another cow joke besides that dumb ass movies one? **


	8. Chapter 8

**I spent the entire Saturday in my sock monkey footie pajamas. For anyone who wants to give them a go they're at Target for 24.99. I don't see why companies price things at 19.99 etc., I mean we're not stupid: we know it's really $20.00. It makes me mad. Oh and for anyone who cares (*cricket cricket*) I just celebrated my 16th Monday. I went on a cruise the past weekend it was fantabulous. I loved the shows. Anyways I'm so sorry I haven't been updating. Enjoy and review (and wish me happy birthday or I will come at you with a stick).**

The records were lying there self righteously on the kitchen counter with little less than a foot of dust on them. Benny passed his finger over the dust and held it up to the light. In 4th grade Benny and his old friend Ryan had decided to classify the dust particles in their classroom. Gray and smooth was class A dust, gray and crusty was class B, dust made up of paper scraps and other undesirables was class C and so on. Their teacher, Mrs. Meg wasn't too happy about them going around collecting dust in little bags and placing them on the window sill for examination. Every time she would get mad her eyes got big. She was one of those people who thought elementary school was learning what was in the textbook. Everyone else knew elementary school was for being the weirdest you will ever be without anyone breathing down your neck about it. Benny squinted at the dust: it was class A.

The records were heavier than what he thought they'd be. The record with the man lying in bed with a keyboard and a monkey caught his eye. Avant-garde or stupid?

He put it on the record player. He scanned the names of the songs on the back of the cover: "Bug Spray", "Midnight", "The rain storm".

Benny sat down on the couch with an old blanket around him. The record crackled slightly before it began; just like in the movies.

"We sure are cute for two ugly people." Benny dried the blue water bottle and put it in the cabinet. The sky was still light and warm, "I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else…but you."

Benny hummed the rest of the song as he walked outside. He sat on the porch and closed his eyes. It smelled like honey outside. Today he didn't mind. He leaned his head back.

"I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else…but you. Doo doo doo…"

Benny rocked back and forth on his heels. He stared at the doorbell. He could hear voices on the other side of the door and they made him more nervous. He imagined Ethan's neighbors peeking outside their window and seeing the fidgety way he'd put his hands in his pockets then back out again. It was a ridiculous idea. Why would Ethan's neighbors be watching him? Benny glanced around him just to be sure. Now they knew he was onto them.

"Just finish your project tonight." It was Ethan's mom. She talked distantly, like she was reading from a script.

"I know mom." Benny's stomach jolted.

"And don't worry about the presentation I'm sure you'll do fine."

"Ok mom god."

"I know how you get insecure."

"Gee thanks."

"Don't run the dishwasher, I think it's broken." Her heels clicked on the floor. Benny jabbed the doorbell then held his finger in pain, "Bye honey, I love you." She opened the door.

"Hey Benny how are you?" Ethan's mom smiled at him and walked past him, to her car.

"Hey Benny." Ethan waved quickly. He ushered him in. Benny stepped in slowly and looked around.

"Hey…" Benny said. He put his hand on the staircase railing and leaned against it. Ethan seemed to be taking a while to be locking the door Ethan mumbled something to himself then turned around. Benny felt like shaking himself, he felt so weird.

**2 hours ago **

"Why are you still wear your school clothes?" Sarah grabbed a bag of chips off the shelves.

"I didn't know there was a set of clothes dedicated to school and a set-"

"Hold this." Sarah thrust a pajama top at him. It had a little guitar "sleeping" on clouds and the words "Dream on." Ethan briefly wondered if there was another one in his size. He did enjoy his Aerosmith. Did he even own any pajama sets?

"What's this for?" Ethan said.

"A sleepover with Kaylie Carnajam. I don't own any cute pjs." Sarah perused the rest of the pajama department. Everywhere there were large posters of girls posing in their matchy matchy pajama sets staging pillow fights or pretending to huddle together like they were sharing stories. One had a caption that read "Swap secrets in style!" Ethan wasn't in the mood for the insincerity of corporate America. He imagined in a few years those girls would be swapping spit with other girls as desperate cry for attention. Ethan didn't think he'd ever be that kind of guy to be attracted to girls like that. Sarah held a pair of pajama bottoms up. She looked at him questioningly. He nodded.

"Kaylie's nice."

"Yeah. She has a pool too. Sarah gave him the bottom to hold.

"Oh...ok."

"You seem quiet."

"Yeah I wonder why." Ethan smirked. She glared at him.

"I'm kidding…" No he wasn't. Ethan sighed. Something about being friends with Sarah seemed so forced. He felt like they weren't meant to be friends. Sometimes he wasn't sure she got his jokes and half the time he felt sick of her "sense of humor". He had the feeling that she didn't even really like him. There's something about her that wasn't right sometimes. She seemed really closed off and distant but not in an obvious way. God, why was he in such a bad mood? Other days he'd absolutely think Sarah was one of his closest friends. He hated the part of a friendship where you learned everything that was wrong with them.

Ethan bit his lip and walked somewhat fast to the sock section. He welcomed the polyester and stretch fabric. He could hear Sarah laughing in the aisle in front of him. The socks came apart and Sarah's face peeped through.

"Oh look your…head is for sale. Oh it's…half off if I buy a push-up bra." Ethan said pointing at the price tag.

"What's eating at you?" Sarah said.

"Just...nothing" He said. Sarah raised her eyebrow. Her head disappeared as she came around to his aisle. The clothes she gave him were beginning to get heavy; he looked around for a place to put them. He shoved them into a shelf.

"Ethan tell me what's wrong." Sarah took the clothes from the shelf and placed them back in his arms.

"I just...am so tired."

"C'mon. I'm not stupid." She said. Ethan sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Nothing, I'm just tired and antsy

"Fine don't tell me then." She squeezed his arm, "You think I'm so clueless."

Ethan's heart skipped a beat. She couldn't know right? How could she know about Benny? Maybe she was making stuff up. Maybe.

"Rory I have to go. Benny's gonna be here," his voice shivered slightly. He paced around the kitchen clutching the phone tightly. Rory was a heavy breather especially on the phone. He felt sorry for Rory's future girlfriends.

"You guys better not play that dancing game without me. I-"

"Yeah I know you are the Michael Jackson of our generation except you are underappreciated because of blah blah blah. We're just gonna hang around." Like always. This was gonna be normal. Normal normal normal.

"Is Sarah gonna be there?" Rory asked.

"What? No, why would she be?"

"Cause she's your-"

"She's not my girlfriend!" Ethan yelled.

"Ethan has a girlfriend!" Jane sang. She skipped past him and yanked on his hood. He swatted at her and pulled his jeans up. Where the heck was his belt? He tried to go for a dark and mysteriously cool look. He had rummaged through his drawers and found a pair of dark jeans and black and white t-shirt with a skull on the front.

"Ethan has a girlfriend?" His dad said with an insulting amount of surprise in his voice.

"Yeah! It's Sarah!" Rory screamed. The phone crackled.

"She's not my girlfriend." Ethan whispered.

"Right and I'm the chupacabra."

"I've seen you eat." Ethan looked outside the front window. Why wasn't he here yet?

"Hm...tushy,"

"What?"

"Tushy." Rory repeated.

"I think you mean touché."

"I think you need to shut up."

"What?"

"Nothing bye." Rory hung up. Ethan rolled his eyes and hung up the phone. He looked out of the window one more time.

**Now**

He felt so weird.

"So hi." Ethan said.

"I think the greetings have been-"

"Right yeah …"

Benny sat on Ethan's desk chair and spun around. Ethan sat on the edge of the bed wondering why he was so awkward. He was ready to speak. Breathe, focus, and concentrate. Hm. Concentrate. What does juice concentrate mean? Smart juice. Haha smart juice.

"So I wanted to make sure you understood something…" Ethan said. Benny turned to face him and planted both feet on the floor.

"Okay."

"Sarah kissed _me_ it mean noth-"

"God! Ethan it's fine!" Benny stood up with exasperation. He had a mean, angry smile on his face. How come a smile can sometimes be so much more effective at showing your anger than anything else?

"But you-"

"The second I saw the look on your face when you saw me I forgave you."

"How does that explain how you acted? How…what…do you exactly forgive me for?" Ethan lowered his voice slightly on the last question. It was the eternal misery of liking someone you are with so often. Paranoia becomes a known friend. But they couldn't resolve anything if they communicate through words with 10 alternated meanings. You can only dodge so many bullets before you slam your head on the floor.

Ethan waited for an answer while Benny looked away.

"You know when you want to say something and it's on the tip of your tongue but you just can't do it?" Benny said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"That's what it feels like right now."

They were quiet for a while. Ethan swung his legs and looked at his hands.

It felt like summer, strangely enough, creeping in. The way it felt like people were moving and the world was happening. It was a different feeling. New.

Ethan stood up and walked towards Benny. A summer movie, that's what the day felt like. Something like "Juno" with odd characters that you will never forget. Ethan put an arm on Benny shoulder. He felt himself get cold like he always did when he got nervous. His finger trembled a little. His entire body felt a little fragile. Maybe this was one of those movies where you may forget the plot, the setting...Ethan closed his eyes…the plot, the setting, the name, and eventually the characters until you remember is the feeling of it. He kissed him.

And he was sure the feeling he had was a movie he had once seen. It was too different. It was too good and perfect. Ethan could feel the smile on Benny's lips.

**Hey the song Benny was singing an awesome song by The Moldy Peaches called "Anyone else but you" (I'm pretty sure). Did anyone get the Meg Ryan reference? I love her movies especially "You've got mail" Anyways…now I don't know what to write about in my next chapter…Hm… Oh and here's a joke I read from a joke book (priced at 15.99 ugh!) **

** Man 1: What do you think our ancestors think of us now?**

** Man 2: When I get to heaven I'll ask them.**

** Man 1: What if they didn't go to heaven?**

** Man 2: Then you can ask them.**

**HAHAHAHAHH! I love this joke. Haha here's another one:**

** Cow 1: Have you heard about that mad cow disease that's going around?**

** Cow 2: Yeah it makes me glad I'm a penguin. **

**Haha wow. So many good jokes. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys. So I owe this update to DusterTheJacket (Cool name BTW). I waaaasss thinking a little about just ending the story at chapter 8 BUUUUT then I read DusterTheJacket's comment and decided to continue it ) I'm glad I did . Hopefully I'll be able to update more frequently (once again, I've just been so busy lately )**

**Thanks for reading! Oh! And also I realized that sometimes it is hard to decipher where a scene ends and begins. Originally in my Word documents I had asterisks (the little stars) at the end of a scene and for some reason Fan Fiction took them out which causes a lot of confusion. I'm reallllly sorry about that.**

**I threw in a few SAT words in there. I'm taking it in May (AH!).**

"In con…um, excuse me, in conclusion, our forefathers founded this land on life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness but um…" Benny shifted around nervously. The paper crinkled in his white knuckles. Ethan tried to catch his eye and flash an encouraging smile but Benny's eyes were glued to his report. Mr. A was resting his elbow on the pile of homework that students had turned in just minutes before. He was staring Benny down in the intense way that teachers do. He would fidget with the buttons on his vest every now and then. The air hummed with silence as Benny took a breath.

"But um…In conclusion...it could not have been done without the blood of the Indians." Benny said.

"Native Americans." Ethan whispered.

"I mean Native Americans." Benny gave a start then glanced at Mr. A. At his acquiescent nod Benny walked back to his desk. The wind from his rapid movement fluttered the loose papers on Ethan's desk. Ethan grabbed them before they fell to the ground.

Presentations weren't Ethan's thing either.

The bell rang. Ethan slid his backpack on and let a group of people walk before him in the aisle as he waited for Benny. Benny was trying to shove his history textbook into his backpack. He mumbled a few indecencies as he yanked the book out.

"I'll carry it for you." Ethan offered. He smiled affably.

"No thanks. Let's just go." Benny slung his bag on his shoulder and they walked out of the class.

Ethan walked over to their lockers. As he opened his lock he looked over at Benny unloading his books into the locker. Ethan smiled at the way Benny's hair was disheveled around his head. Ethan stacked his own books inside, wrote "Edit English Paper" on his to do list and closed the locker. He leaned it against and gave a cursory glance around the hallway. Students milled around, prosaically talking to their friends, complaining about their classes, eating snacks. The day was dull, insipid. The sun was out, there was a blue sky, everything was so normal. But it shouldn't have been.

"I did so badly." Benny said. His face looked pained. His eyes were dark and darting too often around Ethan's face.

"No you didn't, you did really good." It wasn't a complete lie.

"I was so nervous." Benny closed the door.

"You were great." Ethan said. Ethan reached out for his hand. Benny jerked back, instinctively. Immediately Benny's face was shadowed by regret.

"I'm sorry. Force of Habit. Sorry." Benny said. Ethan nodded. He had that feeling of shame.

"I just don't want people…"

"Yeah." Ethan responded laconically.

"What are we Ethan?" Benny said. He looked at the ground. At the small hole in the sparkling white tile. It set off too sharply the color of Benny's dusty black converse.

They had kissed. God that was all Ethan had thought about that day. The feeling his chest as he kissed Benny. The proliferation of light in his chest, swelling and fading out and in with his breath. Something golden changing and moving; alive. Awoken.

There was no hesitation in Ethan's smile as he looked up at Benny.

"More than friends?" Ethan felt a thump in ribs. Benny was looking at him and there was no causal glance around, no listless smile. Ethan itched to be closer to him. Benny slowly began to smile, his eyes lighting up like dark indigo.

"Ethan!" Sarah walked towards them. Benny's face fell. Ethan didn't need to look at her to know the ritzy way she was walking towards him. She probably casually strutting in her heels, tossing her hair out of the way, self consciously licking the nonexistent blood off her pearly teeth. He could smell her dark, flowery perfume.

They were still looking at each other when Sarah called his name out again. Ethan lowered the arm that was reaching out to Benny.

"Hey guys." She breathed. She put her hands on her hips and alternated between looking at Benny and Ethan.

"Hey Sarah." Ethan mumbled. He looked away to Sarah to give a small smile.

"What's up?" She said. Ethan shrugged.

"Just going to lunch I guess. See you around." Ethan grabbed Benny by the elbow and walked away with him.

**Minutes Later**

Sarah didn't usually stop by during lunch. When she sat down next to Ethan, after brushing away the cookie crumbs on the seat, she did it with that impatient expression of hers. She roughly pushed away the spoon of corn from Ethan's mouth. He stared at her.

"I don't like being in the dark, Ethan."

"What?" Ethan brushed the corn that had flown onto his lap, onto the floor. His eyes lingered on the scuff marks on the floor a beat too long. He glanced back at the lunch line where Benny was still getting his food. His back was turned to them.

"I can tell there is something going on." Sarah pulled on his arm. She raised an arched eyebrow.

"Sarah, you're just being paranoid."

"Tell me what you and Benny were talking about at the lockers."

God she was perceptive.

"I don't even remember Sarah. Just chill out okay? Nothing is going on."

"Don't tell _me_ to chill out." She snarled as she stood up from the table. Her eyes were frozen on his, cold and unfeeling. She looked especially vampiric. Her lips were red and plump with fresh blood; her eyes were a stark, golden brown. They were unnatural. Sharp white teeth threatened to pierce her lips. She rapped her black painted fingernails against the table once before leaving as Benny neared the table. Ethan felt like a deer caught in headlights. Sarah could be frightening when she wanted to be.

"What was she doing here?" Benny clumsily sat down.

"Just talking. You know how she is."

"Crazy?" Benny smiled and Ethan did too. He relaxed. Ethan's hand rested dangerously close to Benny's. He couldn't wait until after school when he could kiss Benny and do things he had always wanted to do with him like snuggle up on Benny's worn blue couch and watch _Serendipity _together. Maybe with a blanket thrown over them.

"Ethan?"

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry." He sat up a little straighter and smiled sheepishly. "I was just daydreaming." Ethan could see Sarah sitting with Erica and Rory a few tables ahead. Erica was flipping her stick straight hair everywhere as she talked. There was no reserve in her movements, her laughs burst out in the middle of sentences, and her hands flew around her as she spoke. Sarah stared at the east wall of the lunch room, at the mural the art club had painted. Her eyes seemed glazed over. She stabbed the corner of her plate absentmindedly. At something Erica said Rory laughed and dribbled chocolate milk all over the front of his shirt.

"I was thinking of what we were talking about at the lockers…" Benny said. He waited for Ethan to nod before he continued. "I'm just scared that someone will find out, you know? And these kinds of things are so hard to deal with." Benny said. He sighed. "And what if word gets around school and people start bullying you. I know I could take it, I have before, but you are so-"

"Benny. Do you want to be my boyfriend?" Ethan said blatantly. His heart skipped as he felt the words come out, leap out of his mouth, unfiltered. Benny's face was still for a second. Then there was a small tug at the corner of his mouth. His mouth was slightly open, in surprise. He nodded, wide eyed.

"Yes." For a split second, Benny covered Ethan's hand with his.

**Later**

When the bell had rung, marking the end of class, Sarah was fast asleep with her head in her arms and her hair falling around her. A firm hand shook her should. Sarah jolted up. She yelped and began to throw things into her bag. How long had she been asleep?

"It's ok Sarah! You have time." The hand was still on her shoulder. Sarah looked up at Mr. A.

"I'll write you a pass." He said. He walked over to his desk. Sarah stood up. She blinked from the brightness of the room. The blinds had been opened and the light flooded in. It reflected off of the hand sanitizer perched on Mr. A's desk and broke the light into streams of color. His entire desk, actually, was in the sunlight. Sarah could feel the heat as she walked towards it. She became consumed in the light. It made her vision blurry, like a dream.

"Studying all night?" He asked while handing her the pass.

"Something like that." Sarah said. Mr. A raised his eyebrows and they disappeared underneath his light brown hair.

"Nothing bad. No, I'm just reading a good, um, book." Sarah lied. Mr. A walked around his desk casually and stood next to her.

"Yeah I do that too sometimes. What book are you reading?" Mr. A had an easy smile, a coffee shop kind of smile.

"Dracula…actually." Sarah said.

"Oh Good choice." Mr. A nodded. He tugged at his tie.

"Yeah it's so good it feels like I'm living it." Sarah said.

"Yikes are you gonna be the creepy mysterious girl in my class?" Mr. A said with a smile. Sarah laughed.

"No I'm the calm, cool, collected one." Sarah jokingly pretended to sweep her hair off her shoulders dramatically.

"The modest one too." Mr. A grinned.

"Haha yeah you got me." Sarah said it with an inadvertent glance towards the door.

"Oh right, you should be leaving." Mr. A. walked back to his desk with a clearing of his throat. Sarah walked out of the room, slightly embarrassed.

It was a relief to talk to someone. To feel, for a second that she wasn't someone who was distraught over killing her first human but a high school student who read Dracula until 3 in the morning. She lost that feel as she continued to walk down the hallways, lost in the swarm of faces that passed too close by her.

**After School**

Rory swung his hips around as he danced on top of Ethan's bed.

"You're messing up my bed sheets Rory." Ethan said. Benny kicked at Ethan's legs.

"You're such a baby." Benny said, looking up at him almost flirtatiously. Ethan smiled and rolled his eyes. Rory continued to dance. Ethan had lent Rory his Ipod and was now rocking out to Queen. More than once his foot had been precariously close to the edge of the bed.

"What do you want to do?" Benny said. He was twisting around in an office chair.

"I don't know. What do you want to do?" Ethan replied. They both giggled and shyly looked away. Ethan face felt slightly flushed. He felt so light headed and ditzy. As much as he liked Rory, he felt like being alone with Benny. He could feel Benny's eyes on him as he stood up to grab a blow up pencil he won in an amusement park. Ethan grinned devilishly at Benny, who stood up and held his hands up.

"Don't even." Benny said. Ethan raised the pencil up. Benny laughed and warned Ethan one more time.

"What are you going to do?"

"Skin you alive."

"You can't do that if you're already dead!" Ethan let out a warrior cry and ran towards Benny. Benny's eyes widened in momentary fear. He then smiled, moved out of the way and opened the door. Ethan went flying out. Benny shut the door and locked it. He could hear Ethan hitting the door with the blow up pencil.

"You suck." Ethan mumbled.

"Points for Benny!"

"I'm going to tell your grandma!" Ethan said. He slid against the door and hit the pencil against the door again.

"What, that I opened a door?" Benny laughed. "Oh, no call Home Depot!"

"That wasn't even funny." Rory said. He was standing next to Benny now. He swung the headphones around in his hand.

"Dude you're breathing in my ear." Benny pushed Rory away. Rory stuck his tongue out.

"I'm gonna inspect your closet okay Ethan?" Rory said. He cocked his head as if to hear Ethan's reply.

"Knock yourself out." Ethan said. Rory walked away to Ethan closet and opened the white doors.

"You have bad taste." He mumbled.

Benny chuckled. He sat down on the floor and tilted his head towards the door. He could feel Ethan moving around on the other side.

"Are you ok Ethan?"

There was a pause, Ethan stopped moving. In a quiet voice he answered,

"As long as you're here."

Benny bit his lip. There was an irrepressible smile on his face. The kind that eases onto your face so naturally and purely. He glanced down at the long shadows of Ethan's hands on the carpet. His eyes stung.

"You're so cheesy."

**This was actually was not my favorite chapter (the next one WILL be better I promise). What do you guys think of Mr.A? I was playing around with the idea of a _little_ sort of Mr.A/Sarah thing but it's not yet decided. Thanks for reading and be sure to review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey I know it's been forever Sorry about that. Well I don't' have much to say except that I'm gonna be a senior this year and I'm so excited/scared Oh and I'm SO HAPPY there's a second season of MBAV out! And I didn't receive any negative feedback on Mr. A so that will go on (Not that I'd care either way really)!**

Chapter 10:

Sarah gripped the doorknob tightly when she opened the door to Mr.A's classroom. The door never locked properly; she couldn't see how Mr. A could stand that. 'What was life if you couldn't lock the doors you needed?' she thought. Sarah tried to forget about it. Lately she had been developing a habit of obsessing about things like unlocked doors, wheel of fortune games, surprise parties and other things that didn't have the common element of a sense of control.

Mr. A looked up at her from a student's desk. He was grading papers and had pushed several students' desks together in order to make a sort of large table. Why he didn't just use his own desk was beyond her.

"Hey Sarah." Mr. A grinned and motioned her over with the hand that held a pack of blue post-it notes. "What do you need?"

Sarah sat down on the desk next to him. She swung her legs back and forth.

He was working on grading papers with a determination that was markedly capricious. For a second he'd appear engrossed with a paper, his body bent over the desk and with another he'd scan it and seem to put whatever grade he felt like. Mr. A smiled crookedly and looked up at her.

"Sarah?" Sarah banged her heel on the leg of the desk when she jolted up in surprise.

"Sorry, um, I need a teacher recommendation for a college I'm applying to ." She couldn't remember her reasoning for deciding to go to college but she vaguely remembered it being about feeling normal. Just like being with Mr. A felt normal. Pretending, that's what she was doing. Later she'd ask Ethan if this was such a good idea, if pretending would only hurt her more. His sense of right and wrong was far clearer than hers. She constantly found herself asking what was good and what was bad more and more often.

Mr. A sat up in his seat and pushed his papers away, "Sure! I'll do it. Don't tell the other students but secretly you're one of my favorites."

Sarah smirked. Here was a cute guy only a handful of years older than her, with warm eyes who had just told her he really liked her.

No, she had to force herself to think. Here was a history teacher. Her history teacher. Sarah handed Mr. A the teacher recommendation form. She fingered the edge of the paper. Her black nails glinted in the light.

"Sorry, I sort of spilled a drink there." She said. She kept looking at it. It bothered her so much, that small accident, another reminder that there were so many things out of her control.

"Well I'll print you another one. It looks sort of sloppy to the college professors."

"Oh." Sarah said. She felt just mildly offended. Mr. A pulled his laptop from the case on the floor. He turned it on and after a second clicked on internet explorer.

"What's the college's name?" He said. Sarah jolted again. She got off the desk and leaned over him to see the screen. She smelled coffee beans. Reaching over his hand and feeling his watch her, she typed in the web address.

"I have cousin that goes there. Richard. Engineering major." Mr. A said. His breath fluttered through her hair. Sarah turned around.

"That's cool. Does he like it?" She said. His face was inches away from her; he was all she could see.

"Yeah…he did." Mr. A hesitated. He looked away. She could see the light break up the green in his eyes. He smiled faintly and shifted in his seat.

"I'll go turn on the printer."

**Later**

Benny was sleeping on the couch with the Xbox controller still in his hand. His mouth was slightly open; his hair was ruffled from jumping around erratically whenever he won a game. Ethan was looking at him and softly smiling. Benny looked so innocent when he was asleep. It was just the two of them that day. His mom and dad had taken Jane with them to see a play based on a children's book Jane had read. Ethan passed his finger through Benny's dark eyelashes. He traced his finger down his slim button and nose and to his mouth. He kissed it gently and smiled at Benny once more.

Ethan grabbed their paper plates soiled with pizza sauce and walked to the kitchen. The house was so still, everything was so still as if only the two of them existed. As he walked to trash can next to the fridge something caught Ethan's eye. It was a small piece of paper on the counter. He picked it up. Sarah's handwriting, large and loopy.

"Call me ASAP." She had been in his house? She must have flown in through an open window or something. Ethan sighed. He didn't feel like talking to Sarah for some reason. He wanted to stay in his little world where only Benny and he existed.

Ethan screamed. Benny had come up from behind him and grabbed his waist. Ethan lightly smacked Benny's arms. Benny planted a kiss on his cheek.

"You scared me."

"Yeah I figured." Benny put his head on Ethan's shoulder. "What do you feel like doing today?"

Ethan slipped the note in his pocket. He wasn't sure if he was doing this because the note wasn't important or because he felt some sort of guilt.

"Being with you." Ethan said. He turned around in Benny's arms. He placed his own around Benny's shoulders and looked at him. There was Benny smiling at him, loving him. He never would've imagined their friendship would take this turn but god he was happy it did. Whatever Sarah wanted could wait until later.

**Summer Summer Summer! I'm so glad it's here! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I have a feeling the next one will be really interesting and a lot longer. I'm really excited for the next one! **


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11:**

**So I just started my senior year (it's pretty intense) and there's a new teacher. He's a really hot creative writing teacher (Some inspiration for Mr. A). I'm signing up for his class and I'm pretty freaking excited****. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as I do. And thanks to Rorylovermaddi for reminding me that I need to have Paranormal stuff! Considering that's what the show is based on **** And Rachel I will definitely try to have more Rory stuff.**

"You're the only one I can trust right now. Meet me at 10, on the docks."

He didn't need a name to know who it was. He didn't need anything except that stylistic, loopy handwriting. How long had it been since they had talked? The time the five of them went to the Italian place by the park. He and Rory, Erica, Sarah, and Benny had sat together and talked and laughed and eaten. Why did it seem so long ago? Ethan leaned on his hand. He gazed at the murky water down below. There were fish darting around the water; their fins flashed yellow and pink and gold. Vibrant, green seaweed slid up against the surface of the water and swayed delicately with the underwater current. There was something about the docks that repelled people, normal people. It might have been the way everything at the docks was tainted by the color gray. It was Rory that brought that to his attention. It was one of those days in English class that was quiet, still and open. The windows weren't closer and the light was flooding the room. Next to Ethan was Rory, bent over something. Ethan could hear the scratching of the pencil. Ethan leaned over Rory. Rory moved his arm away. It was a drawing of the docks so painfully detailed that it caught Ethan by surprise. That something so beautiful could exist in a plain old classroom. The faces of the fisherman Rory drew, the ones that roughly piled boxes on top of each, were all stained with the grey sky. The sky had shadowed the wooden planks of the pier and softened the rocks that shrugged up to the warm sand. It was a beautiful drawing. Ethan had caught something like an expression of embarrassment on Rory's face. That surprised him too.

Now, Ethan drew his legs up, a wind ruffled his hair.

"Hey."

He could feel her breath on his shoulder as she sat down next to him and feel wisps of her hair catch on his jacket. He couldn't say anything. He kept thinking of Rory's drawing, kept wondering why he never really thought about it before. He thought of that and that night at the Italian restaurant. It was a strange sort of night where everyone was kind of nice to each other and Erica didn't make some obnoxious comment about blood and Benny let Ethan hold his hand under the table.

"I don't know why I wanted to come here. " A beat of silence. Sarah swung her legs over the edge of the pier, "I think it's because it's one of the first places I went after I first killed someone. A person. "She paused and looked at Ethan and then turned back to look at her shoes. "An actual person. Wow." She finished. Ethan was studying the horizon, his eyebrows were knitted. The sun was beginning to set. She looked at him again, couldn't let go of that expression on his face.

"A long time ago my uncle was a fisherman." She waited, tapped her fingers against her legs, and spoke, "Do you know what it's like to hide such a big secret from your family?"

"Why did you call me here?" Ethan couldn't face her.

"I just needed to talk to you."

"Like what? What kind of talking?" From the corners of his eyes he could see the outline of her black skirt and the softness of her skin.

"I killed another. A Person. I killed another person." Sarah looked at the outline of his jaw and his neck and down his collarbone. She envied the small breath that rose under his throat, the warmth he had that had died in her. She felt her power and hated it as it slipped through her veins. She had become one of them for him.

His was the first blood she ever tasted. That doesn't leave you.

"I don't know what to say Sarah." He looked at her now and mustered some sympathy for her. It was her big brown eyes that got him to put his hand over hers for a fleeting second.

"I don't know either, Ethan. I just needed you here." She couldn't stop looking at his skin, how it glowed, it pulsed. He squirmed under her gaze. She knew the crashing the water against the rocks, against the heavy posts of the dock, the seagulls trailing the water but she couldn't feel them. Everything beyond him was lost to her.

"Sarah?" Ethan said. All of a sudden she felt a searing in her body. She screamed and grabbed onto Ethan's shoulder. She dug her nails in. Her eyes glazed over, her body convulsed. Sarah felt something like small fissures of energy breaking inside of her. It was unbelievably painful. She screamed again. The pain grew until all she saw was blackness and shred of white. She had no control over her body; she had no knowledge of what she was doing. She only felt that searing pain, until she felt nothing at all.

**LATER**

Benny crossed his arms. His hair had flopped over his face, defiantly. Benny tried to hold his frown at Ethan who was sitting across the room, smirking.

"I just don't see why I have to help her." Benny said. Ethan looked at him, curiously.

"Because she's our friend." Ethan said as he placed a wet towel over Sarah's forehead. He pushed back pieces of her hair, gently. She was unusually pale, sickly. Her frail hands lay limp, by her side. Benny crossed the room and sat beside Ethan. He placed his head on Ethan's shoulder and looped an arm around him.

"I just don't like how you're taking care of her and stuff." Benny mumbled in Ethan's ear. Ethan jerked slightly.

"Well what am I supposed to do?" The box of Kleenex in Ethan's lap stumbled off onto the hardwood. Benny sighed and picked it up. "Do you expect me to let her die?"

"She wouldn't die, Ethan." As he said the words, Benny heard how selfish they sounded.

"God, Benny. Can't you see I'm only doing this because Sarah's our friend? Can't you see past your insecurity for one second?" Ethan said. He felt himself getting hot and flushed.

"I'll go look at the spell book." Benny mumbled as he stood up. He wiped his nose with his jacket sleeve and walked off with his eyebrows knitted and the slight look of pain on his face. The room was full of Ethan's shame when Benny left. Sarah's legs stretched over the pale yellow couch, her ankles knocked against Ethan's back.

Benny walked in with the book in the crook of his arms, the folds of his dark blue sweater rolled over it. Benny's gray sweatpants brushed the floor as he walked, shoeless. The night before he had slept in Ethan's room and they had whispered under the covers till the morning. Ethan remembered that, Benny's face so close to him and feeling his breath when he laughed and feeling his knees against his knees and the warm darkness all around them.

Benny sat down next to Ethan and raised his eyebrows at him.

"I'm sorry." Ethan said. He kissed Benny's forehead. Benny smiled at the book he opened on his lap.

"I'm sorry too." Benny said. He pointed to a page in his book. "Here it's talking about what I think happened to Sarah." Ethan hands followed Benny's. He scanned the page.

"It's a type of spell that vampire sorcerers can cast on other vampires. " Benny said. "They invoke a demon called Hypnos to gain control over the vampire. A lot of times they kill them but I don't think that's what's happening since Sarah isn't dead."

"Oh god." Ethan began to feel sick and nervous. He clutched Benny's hand.

"What?" Benny said.

"It's just…scary." Ethan said. Benny nodded and continued on.

"Other times they put them to sleep and try to give them dreams that will influence their behavior when they wake up or possibly drive them crazy. It's not very clear."

"So basically some vampire sorcerer is trying mess with Sarah?" Ethan said. His worry showed in his voice.

"I think so." Benny said. He shut the book and glanced at Sarah who was sleeping peacefully like a living sleeping beauty. The color was coming back into her cheeks and her breaths were less shallow.

"Well we have to figure out who it is. God I thought we were getting a break from all of this stuff." Ethan said. Benny put an arm around him and ruffled his hair.

"It's gonna be ok Ethan. You worry too much. "Benny said. "You're just like my mother. He kissed Ethan's cheek.

"Ew you got spit on me." Ethan said. Benny licked his face.

"Ew Benny!" Ethan said, laughing. He felt warm and safe and sure of himself again.

**THE NEXT DAY**

Behind her eyelids she could imagine she was on an island and that the cool air on her ankles was the breeze from the ocean, not the air conditioner of room E207. Sarah opened her eyes. She caught Mr. A's eyes flicker across the room.

"I'm going to postpone Wednesday's test to Thursday. I doubt anyone has any serious objections to that." He said.

"Daphne Hamilton." Someone coughed the name. Daphne scoffed and shoved her glasses farther up her nose, jokingly. Mr. A laughed and turned to the board to write their homework. Sarah's eyes lazily followed his wrist, down his arm to his shoulder, down his back…

A piece of paper fluttered to her desk. Sarah glanced at Erica, sitting next to her. Sarah opened the paper.

_"He has such a cute butt! So unfair! LOL! XOXO" _The note read. Sarah grabbed her pen.

**"**_**Shouldn't you be writing down the homework?" **_Sarah threw the note back to Erica.

"_Shdnt u NOT be undressing him with ur eyes?"_

_**"I am NOT doing that! I'm being attentive."**_

___"2 his BODY LOLOLOLOL XOXO"_

_**"I'm gonna kill you Erica."**_

___"Its all right, Ill just beg for Mr. A to save me. Oh, Mr. A! I need ur help! Take me away in ur strong arms! _

_ "__**You're a freak Erica. You may look like a normal high school…vampire but you're still that weirdo I knew back in freshman year. **____**"**_

__**"**Shh…Don't tell Rory ;P"

"**What?"**

The bell rang and the kids ran out of class. Erica snatched the note from Sarah's desk, read it, smiled and crumpled it up. She made a ridiculous face behind Mr. A's face before she headed out of class with her heels clacking down the hallway.

Sarah was still shoving things into her bag when she felt a pang in her chest and a sense of cloudiness. Colors: the brown plant pots on the windowsill, the blue world map, colors that had seemed so familiar to her now warped and faded in and out of her eyes. The colors burned her. She put her head in her hands. There was the muffled sound of a voice all around her. She couldn't place where it was, what it was saying or who was saying the words. Sarah screamed. Her breath was getting faster and faster and she couldn't control it. She couldn't control it at all. Her body convulsed like it had at the pier with Ethan. She had no control. Where was Ethan so that she could hold on to him? This time she felt so cold all over. Every piece of her was cold and was breaking apart. She screamed again with helpless tears stinging her eyes and she gripped whatever was near her. Everything went black.

**So there's the chapter! I stayed up until 2:37 a.m. working on it because I just love my readers****. I already have the next chapter planned out so it should be coming soon. I'M SO EXCITED! I loved the part about Rory being an artist; it makes me love him even more! I'm definitely gonna try to get him in the story more****. Any suggestions are welcome! Now I shall go to sleep!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12:**

**Don't be shy! It makes me sad when people don't review **** Reviews keep me going. Well that, and coffee with soy milk. I hope you guys like this chapter. Don't forget to REVIEW!**

"Bridesmaids!" Benny and Rory screamed. They pumped their fists in the air. Rory did a little dance that involved him shaking his butt a little. Erica pretended to vomit in Popcorn bowl.

"We've already seen that like ten times, guys." Ethan said as he opened all the Dr. Pepper's and held his face away from the cans. Benny grabbed his shoulders and shook him.

"Bridesmaids is an experience that we need to live again and again Ethan. You don't understand!" Benny said with his eyes lit up like the ocean when it reflects the moon. Rory continued dancing in the background. Erica sat down on the couch and pulled her phone out.

"Benny we've seen it so many times." Ethan whined. He tried waving Benny away, but he stayed put.

"Young lady, don't make me get your mother." Benny said, seriously.

"What is it with you calling me young lady?" Ethan said with a smile.

"It must be your slim, feminine body Ethan." Rory said. He plopped on the couch and winked at Erica.

"Either that or your nasally voice." She chimed in, trying not to let too large of a smile slip past her lips. Benny laughed and ruffled Ethan's hair.

"So I guess we're watching Bridesmaids again?" Benny said. He popped the DVD in and looked at Ethan through the reflection in the TV. He was sipping his and trying to pull the blanket out from under Rory. In his effort, a tiny bit of soda splashed onto his upper lip. Ethan looked up at Benny and licked his lips suggestively. They both laughed to themselves. It was going to be a fun night.

Eventually, they were all curled up on the couch watching the movie. Sarah had texted Erica, telling her that she was busy. Erica hadn't seen Sarah leave the school, she assumed Sarah had caught a ride with someone else or somehow managed to fly home, discreetly. Everything made sense, nothing seemed wrong. Then why did Erica glance out the window every so often, hoping to catch a glimpse of Sarah landing softly on the sidewalk on her way home? Something in the air was wrong. It might've been the puke yellow lighting in Ethan's living room or the general unease she felt around being with so many dorks but Erica still felt worried. Rory looked her way more than once. The fifth time he did, she gave him a look.

"What?!" She hissed.

"Are you ok?" Rory asked. He scratched the back his head and looked at her shyly, "You just seemed sort of…not cool or something."

"I'm perfectly cool Rory. I'm just wondering where Sarah could possibly be. It's not like she goes to parties without me." Sarah flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"Maybe she just didn't want to come but didn't want to seem like a total butt face." Rory shrugged. He looked at the way Erica glared at him, and he felt the urge to draw her, in that moment of anger. He loved the way her eyes stormed over, she looked dangerous. He must have been looking at her for too long because she elbowed him in the ribs and scoffed.

"Get a life Rory." She said. There was a shadow of a smiled on her mouth.

"Whatever Erica, I know you want me."

"Ha! In your dreams Count Dorkula."

"Clever, Erica, Clever." Rory responded. Erica raised her eyebrows, amused by his sarcastic remark. He had never been sarcastic with her. She liked it though; it made her feel like something inside of her had awakened. She elbowed him again just so he could elbow her back.

Across the couch, Benny and the Ethan were talking quietly amongst themselves. They had somehow managed to sit close together without arousing much suspicion. Underneath the blanket draped on their legs, they were caught in a tangle of ankles and shins.

"Your mom showed me a picture of you as a baby. You looked so cute." Benny said. He had his hand on Ethan's knee. He smiled into his eyes.

"Oh I'm sure."

"No really, you're adorable." Benny whispered. He looked at Erica and Rory to make sure them weren't looking. When they weren't, Benny snuck a kiss onto Ethan's cheek. Ethan blushed.

"If they saw you, I'm gonna kill you." Ethan said.

"Hey guys, Ethan and I are gonna go take a walk, Ethan doesn't feel well." Benny yelled out to the pair across the couch that was too bust flirting to notice Benny. Benny shrugged, grabbed Ethan's hand and pulled him out of the room.

Their footsteps matched up. Benny stared at their shoes, smiling, as they stepped onto the orange streetlight. The night air was crisp and open in the way that reminded of being in his Grandma's garden at night. Benny slid his hand on the fences they walked past. There were quiet for a while, just enjoying the feeling of each other being there. Just enjoying how sometimes they bumped into each other and their visible breaths floated into each other. The black sky stretched out overhead. Ethan was the first one to speak.

"I'm extremely happy." He said. Ethan took Benny's hand in his. It was warm.

"Me too." Benny closed his eyes and listened as Ethan talked. He liked to close his eyes and to only know Ethan's voice. He listened as Ethan talked about school and Jane and science projects and his height and the color red and ghosts and love. Benny opened his eyes when Ethan talked about love.

"…but then my aunt's been divorced twice and then my uncle cheated on his wife with his secretary so honestly I'm even surprised I've ever liked anyone because honestly…" Ethan cut his sentence short when he realized that Benny was smiling at him.

"What?" Ethan said. Benny kissed Ethan's cold mouth. He placed his hands behind Ethan's head and held it gently, as they kissed. Ethan wrapped his arms around Benny.

"I love you Benny." Ethan said. Benny attempted to take a step and stumbled to the ground, his hands had gravel imprinted on them when he tried to sit up. Ethan kneeled down beside him and kissed Benny's hand.

"You ok?" Ethan said. Benny nodded. He felt the cold wind blow through his jacket.

"I love you Ethan." Benny said. His heart thudded against his chest when Ethan leaned over him to kiss him. Benny leaned back against the fence of the house of a stranger. He kissed Ethan back, passionately, his fingers digging through Ethan's hair, his heart pounding against his chest. Ethan sighed happily. He held Benny close him, as tight as he could. Benny closed his legs around Ethan's waist and played with the bottom of Ethan's shirt. He felt Ethan's soft, cold skin under his fingers. Shivers rippled through his body; Benny clutched Ethan tightly once more. When they parted lips they felt breathless, alive, still wanting more.

"Well isn't this interesting." A voice appeared out of the darkness. Ethan and Benny froze in place.

**AROUND THE SAME TIME**

All she could feel was heaviness all around her, pressing down on her. When Sarah tried to scream her voice rattled around in her throat and died there. Sarah felt tears sting her eyes. She couldn't see, couldn't move, and couldn't feel anything except a breath hovering above her neck.

**Well that was intense! Its 10:19 p.m. so I didn't stay up too late this time **** If you guys are lucky I might crank out another chapter tomorrow. I'm like a machine! :P Don't forget to REVIEW!**

**Man, if told you guys how much crap I moved around and switched, you'd be surprised. Originally this chapter was gonna have a little romance with Mr.A and Sarah but I realized it got in the way of the story so I took an ENTIRE chunk that I worked on for a while… I can always add that in like a *Bonus Chapterette*. If anyone wants to read it let me now. I actually have another chapter that I never bothered to post. Hm…**


	13. Chapter 13

**Sunday **

As soon as she woke up, Sarah threw the covers off of her body and kicked them to the bottom of the bed. It was unusually hot that morning. She fell back into her pillow with a sigh and reached for the "Seventeen" magazine on the windowsill. Seventeen. She pulled at her sweaty nightshirt. She hadn't felt seventeen in a while. "What's Your Summer Swimsuit Style?" read the first article title she had arbitrarily flipped to. The people in the magazine smiled at her, the soft focus sunlight washing out the tops of their heads and bathing them in warm photo shopped light. She laughed to herself sarcastically. None of their smiles reached their eyes.

Sarah stood up to open the window. A thought came to her. She sat back down. For the first time in months, she had dreamt about Jesse. She pushed the magazine to the floor and pulled the covers back over her, high on her shoulders. Lying on her side, she thought bitterly of her dreams. She never dreamed much. She never slept much either. But last night, her vague impressions of Jesse, faded by time and a calculated forgetfulness, had been sharpened to an almost painful degree. Last night she had dreamt of the night he'd changed her. The same fear that had hovered over her neck so long ago now ran through her as she closed her eyes.

Memory was cruel.

In her dreams Sarah had remembered those quiet nights when she and Jesse had laid so close together and promised each other so many beautiful and desperate things. It had been the summer and winter of her life. It had been every season and every breath she took. The memory of him burned raw.

She wiped a tear from her face and looked down at the figure on the floor. Erica's blonde hair spilled out from the top of the sleeping bag. Her arm hung out at an awkward angle.

"I don't know what to do**." **Sarah said. Erica grunted. Erica, when she slept at all, wasn't an early riser. Judging from the clock across the room it was somewhere past 9. Erica sat up in her sleeping bag. She rubbed her eyes and squinted at the harsh morning light streaming in from the window. Temperate silence hung in the air. Sarah shook her head.

"I just want to forget him." She said, with a shameful glance to the floor.

"You kept talking in your sleep." Erica said. "It freaking drove me crazy."

"I dreamt about Jesse." Sarah said. She kept seeing his eyes every time she closed hers.

"I was so happy." She added, as a quiet afterthought.

Erica rose from the floor. "I'm feeling like pancakes this morning. You?" Her pajamas were all askew, the straps on her tank top twisted into each other, the bottoms of her shorts bunched up and wrinkled. At Sarah's slow nod, Erica headed towards the door with an uncertain footstep. She hesitated at the door frame and rested her pale hand on it. She looked back at Sarah. Her head was propped up on one elbow; she stared down at the cream colored carpet and replayed scenes from her dream over and over again in her mind. She could feel Jesse's hands on her shoulder, his teeth sinking down into her with a fresh bitter pain. She remembered that beautiful warmth in his body that she felt when she laid her head on his chest, the warmth of his smile and the smell of his clothes, the lusty light from the moon shining down on them when they kissed. Why now had these memories resurfaced? He had been dead to her for so long. There was no one like Jesse. No one who had ever made her feel the same way he had. But there was no one more dangerous than Jesse. No one who had ever hurt her more than he had.

Erica shrugged and put on a face of lighthearted thoughtfulness, "You really should just get over him." She said it like she was telling Sarah she should go ahead and get new highlights or go to the movies.

"What?" Sarah said. Erica's words felt like a betrayal. Did she know how much Jesse had meant to her? Jesse had been her whole world, once. He had been everything she'd ever wanted.

"You had him, he's gone, he's evil, whatever. You get over it. You move on instead of freaking out every time you think about him."

"It's not that simple, Erica."

"How is it not that simple?"

"Because." Sarah furrowed her brows, she thought of how often she'd denied it in her mind, "I loved him Erica."

Erica's face contorted into a mixture of pain and disgust.

"You're such a liar." She said. Erica turned on her heel and left the room, shutting the door behind her as she walked away to the kitchen. Sarah jumped off the bed and followed, socks gliding on the slick hallway floor. She felt gutted.

The kitchen was large but dim. One sole light was on, casting shadows around the room. Standing by the refrigerator was Erica, pulling out a carton of eggs. Instant pancake mix was wedged underneath her arm. She glanced at Sarah for a second as she walked to a cabinet and pulled out a clear plastic bowl. Sarah looked around to make sure none of Erica's family members were around.

"How can you say that?" Sarah said softly. She tucked her hair behind her ear gently and watched as Erica cracked an egg open with the edge of a fork. She dumped the contents in a bowl and began to mix. Her mouth was hardened into one firm line. She stared down into the bowl. After a beat, she threw her fork into the sink with a clatter and turned to Sarah. Her eyes flashed a dangerous green.

"Because you never loved him. " Erica said, emphasizing the word "never" as venomously as she could. "You ran away from him. And you never looked back. Way to go true love."

"He turned me into a vampire, Erica. I had no choice. We weren't going to last long anyways." Sarah said.

Erica rolled her eyes, "Oh please. You and Jesse were happy."

Sarah threw her arms in the air, "He was happy. I wasn't. I can't explain it." Sarah said. That was the part that was so gut wrenching. She hated that small truth, that she wasn't happy with Jesse. In a sick way, she had wanted out of the relationship before she was even bitten. The reasons why were somewhere smothered under layers of fear and doubt and self-loathing. She had grown tired of trying to figure out why she and Jesse weren't working, why she had felt like she hated the person she used to love the most in the world, the person she thought she would die for.

"What is this really about Erica? Is this really about you and Jesse?"

Erica laughed contemptuously.

"Oh please. This is about the fact that you never know how you feel about anyone. And so you manipulate their emotions because you're 'just not sure'" Erica said, putting air quotes around the last words. "I'm sure you felt like you loved Jesse very much when you tried to kill him." Erica said. "You're a monster. Just like every other vampire. Stop pretending you're not." Erica lowered her voice. She had a look of mild menace in her face."We don't love easily."

Sarah stared back at her, not knowing what to say. She felt a certain burning heat curling up in her chest washing her with a kind of frightening anger. With a fist clenched so tightly that her nails dug into her skin, she began to walk away from the kitchen and towards the back door entrance, passing the pictures of Erica's family. Their eyes burned into the back of Sarah's neck. She wasn't like them. She wasn't like anyone.

She felt swept up in her own ambiguous morality. Sarah knew she manipulated people's emotions, secretly knew she enjoyed it. Ever since becoming a full Vampire she felt herself straying further and further from the sense of humanity she once had.

She remembered what it was like to kill a human for the first time, to feel their life leave their body, to have that much control. She had felt alive, and it sickened her and it excited in a way that she had only dreamt of. When she made her first kill, the whole world had opened up to her and her heart had swelled with the desperate passion of life. She had wanted everything and nothing at all. She'd wanted to die and to bleed; to cry and to dance so close on the edge of mortality and morality. In those few seconds after she killed her first, it was like she had seen god.

But every feeling, good and bad is only temporary.

She had cried soundlessly, body shaking with her frantic sobs as she tossed the body into the harbor. It had been one of the worst nights of Sarah's life. And it had rained that night. The cold hard rain had flooded the streets of Whitechapel drowning the sound of the screams and cries of the neighborhood search party. They had searched frantically for the child they had so tenderly called their own. Screaming for their beautiful boy with a heart so deep and rich and alive, pulsing with a vitality that shone through his smooth dark skin. She had never hated herself more than she had that night.

As Sarah crossed the busy intersection with barely a passing glance at the oncoming traffic she felt the strength in her body, the pure immortality of it all. She was a vampire. That was who she was. Had she relinquished her humanity when she let the light die out in someone? Was she a monster like Erica had said? She thought of the boy's eyes, those deep brown eyes that had once held the whole world. Was it humane to revel in that kind of murder? To thrive, even.

She slowed her pace to match the pedestrians around her. She caught snippets of their conversation. They all had hopes and dreams, wishes and disappointments that broke their hearts. She looked at all of them: at the man in front of Sarah who fiddled with his pockets, whose hair stuck up in the back and hat teetered perilously on the edge of his head, the woman sitting on a green metal bench who dropped a piece of lettuce on her lap as she brought a forkful of salad closer to her mouth. Kids laughed, they begged their parents for one more toy, they tripped on the cement and scratched their knees. Parents laughed piteously, they remembered when they did the same. And everywhere were these beautiful semblances of humanity. Where did Sarah see herself in all of this? Was she the monster that was hiding under the bed? Was she the fear at the back of a child's neck when he ran up the stairs? Her heart ached with these questions, with terrifying loneliness. Jesse burned through her mind, scorching everything he touched with a bitter kind of pain. In thinking of him she felt that desperation she felt when she imagined the impossible: that one day she would be happy and she'd have figured it all out.

Sarah ignored the calls coming from her phone. She figured it was either Ethan or Benny. Rory never called and Erica was most likely enjoying her pancakes. She suspected they were worried, concerned that she was having another unexplainable blackout or out on a murdering spree. Buildings swept past her; she lost count of how many blocks she had walked. The seventh time her phone rang, she picked up.

"I haven't heard from you in a while." Sarah said, forcing her voice into a girlish chipper.

"God! I know!" Della said, giggling. Sarah rolled her eyes. The contrast between the tone of the day and the tone in Della's was too striking. In the empty silence, Della giggled again.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Sarah said. She was all too ready to hang up. She hoped to god that Della hadn't called because of Benny. She stopped at the corner of the street and threw some spare change into a street musician's open guitar case. He smiled at Sarah. She almost thought she caught a glimpse of a fang.

"I heard you're really smart when it comes to, like, creepy stuff." Della said. On the other end of the phone Sarah could hear the sound of a radio playing.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Sarah said. She unzipped her jacket. When had the weather grown so hot?

"So you'll help me out tonight with this research paper I'm working on? It's for a scholarship to this college I'll be applying to. Man, I really hope I get in because they have this amazing nursing program. And my boyfriend-My boyfriend is going there. You might know him; he played football for that other high school across town. Haha, isn't that funny? You'd think I'd know my own boyfriend's high school." _Hilarious._"

"Della, please." Sarah said. She furrowed her brow. Her patience was growing thin. She didn't know Della that well. She'd been lab partners with her once or twice but had never hung out with her outside of school. Della struck Sarah as mildly annoying. Cheerful and sweet and the kind of girl Sarah would've been friends with, pre-Vampire, but now in the wake of her realizing her own questionable humanity, cheerful and sweet weren't what Sarah wanted. She needed someone to talk to. Someone who'd listen to her without judgment. Ethan flashed in her mind, but she thought of what Erica had said and felt a wave of guilt. She knew she manipulated Ethan as well. Kissing him those weeks ago had been a replacement for feeding on him. It had given her that vague sense of control over other people. God, could she be that sick?

"If you can, come around six because my parents are still in the house until then and honestly they are so annoying when it comes to having friends over. Let me tell you. I-"

Sarah gave a saturnine smile.

"I'll be there, Della. Don't worry." She closed the phone and sighed. Maybe cheerful and sweet would distract her.

The walk to Della's house proved difficult, sweaty and utterly tedious. As a result of the prestige and local fame of Della's business tycoon family, they lived on the most unknown back roads in Whitechapel, unnamed roads framed by thick deciduous trees and sloping hills. When she finally found herself staring down the front door of Della's mansion, she felt nerves creep up her back. Something felt strange. Sarah's hands began to shake. She felt something like a weight pushing at the back of her head with a shape and a distinct feeling. A sense of nostalgia and regret. Sarah knocked on the door loudly. She wanted to be inside. She felt a fever seem to sweep over her and fog up her mind. The gargoyles on either side of her leered at her, the grey clouds overhead casting them in a pale blue light. She breathed through her nose in an attempt to slow her heartbeat.

The door swung open and the cool air washed over her giving her momentary relief. Della was standing in the doorway, smiling. The rhinestones on her pink tank top, curling neatly into a heart, glittered in the light. She smiled at Sarah. Her blonde hair was piled high on her head, in a messy bun like Sarah had seen so many White Chapel cheerleaders do. With a thin, frail hand, Della gestured for Sarah to come in. Sarah took a deep breath and walked into the house carefully. She blinked rapidly. Her eyes couldn't focus on what was in front of her. Della was leading her to a dining area, talking the entire way. Her gestures indicated a kind of playful frustration but Sarah had trouble making out the words Della said. They sat down at a long dining table. An empty glass cup lay at the far end of the table; at their end was a mess of papers and a blue Apple laptop humming quietly.

Sarah collapsed into the chair. She tried to focus on the words Della was saying. She tried so hard not let her grip on reality fall apart. She couldn't faint, not there, not then. But there was that something moving through her head. That nameless sensation of not quite belonging to the reality that was in front of you. Now, Della was gesturing to the papers. Della smiled and pointed at Sarah's chest. She pointed again, her voice rising in pitch. Sarah squinted. She couldn't make out Della's words.

"Excuse me?"

"Do you want to take off your jacket? You're sweating." Della said, with a laugh and a movement towards Sarah.

"Oh. Yeah, I guess." Sarah shrugged out of her jacket and laid it over the back of the chair.

"I could've sworn I turned the air conditioner on. Let me go check." Della stood up and lightly padded away down the hallway. Sarah wiped the perspiration off her forehead and clutched at the table. She wasn't going to faint. She was fine. She was fine. She closed her eyes for a second. The sounds died out around her and her breathing slowed.

Sarah jerked up. She was on the floor. She was lying face down on the hardwood floor with the taste of salt in her mouth. No, it wasn't salt. She licked her lips. The realization swept over her body before her mind could put it to words. She stood up, and a sound, like she had been punched in the stomach, escaped her mouth. She reached for the wall and finding nothing but air, fell backwards. Della lay on the ground, with a perfect ring of dried blood surrounding her body.

**So that's that chapter. There will be Ethan, Benny, Rory etc. later on. In case you weren't sure, the majority of the last chapter happened on "Saturday" in my little MBAV universe. As far as writing goes, I'm really proud of this chapter. I spent a lot of time on it. It hit a nerve in me, I guess. Also, (just as a heads up) I'm thinking about starting a new MBAV fanfic so keep your eyes peeled. Not only that, but I'm kind of thinking about using this chapter as a first chapter for **_**another**_** fanfic. I just love this chapter.**


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